"I love puppies"
MOH: (approaches from behind) "I love puppies, but could you not have them pee on my house?"
Link: (starts pooping)
Me: (opening poop bag) "Sure. He's already going now; I can't very well stop him."
MOH: "I understand that, but could you at least not have him pee on my house?"
Me: "He's not even peeing."
MOH: "Well you lead them right up to my house!"
Me: "Ma'am, it's a public sidewalk."
MOH: (storming off) "IT'S MY HOUSE!"
This sort of thing makes me hate New York. I know that's unfair. I started thinking about it, and whether it's a New Yorker thing, or a UWS thing, or an old white woman thing, or what. It's some combination of all of this, but I think the common thread here is really that it's more a New Yorker thing than anything else.
Like last week (again, when I was walking the dogs), I saw a mean note placed on the windshield of a parked car. It was something like "thanks for taking up 2 spaces, asshole! If you had pulled forward to the car in front of you, then I could have fit my car in the space behind yours!" But these weren't even marked spaces, it was just organic parallel parking on a regular city block. There was no way to know that the car with the note on it had parked poorly -- as far as the note-writer could possibly know, the car in front may have had 1.5 car-lengths of space and pulled their front bumper up close to the rear of the car in front of them, leaving half a car-length behind. This could have
happened hours after the car with the note had been parked there. But the note-writer's initial response was "I can't find a spot to park my car, and it's because of this guy!" Not, "Gee, NYC is crowded. I guess I should have taken public transit," but "You did this just to screw me!" (I was quite pleased with myself for removing said note and tossing it with the dog poop in the bin at the corner.)
It's the same with this Miserable Old Hag that attacked me this morning. We had in fact, been walking around the neighborhood for half an hour, and just happened to be walking in front of her building when she was leaving. She took this as a personal attack against her -- in her world, I had led my dogs straight for her house, with the specific intention of having them urinate on it. IANAP, so I don't want to use the word "schizophrenia" (oh look, I just did! Sort of like how you can start off a puppy-hating tirade with "I love puppies"), but retelling the story to myself, this hag clearly had a touch of paranoia and delusion.
I'm trying not to let the old hag get in my head. But I can say this: from now on, Link and Zelda will get a special bonus treat every time they pee on that building. Of course, they have never peed there, so it may take some special encouragement.
